align EPOLL_* flags with fcntl O_* flag definitions, which vary by arch

align EPOLL_* flags with fcntl O_* flag definitions, which vary by arch

the old definitions were wrong on some archs. actually, EPOLL_NONBLOCK
probably should not even be defined; it is not accepted by the kernel
and it's not clear to me whether it has any use at all, even if it did
work. this issue should be revisited at some point, but I'm leaving it
in place for now in case some applications reference it.